A coach I deeply respect recently asked a simple question:
What is confidence?
Rather than answer it intellectually, I decided to spend a month looking in that direction.
What I discovered surprised me.
The more I looked, the less confidence seemed to have anything to do with confidence.
The Clue Hidden in the Word
When I looked up the origins of the word confidence, I found that it comes from the Latin confidere: to trust completely.
That immediately took me in a different direction.
Most of us think of confidence as a feeling we need to generate before we can do something important.
Before we speak.
Before we sell.
Before we raise our prices.
Before we publish the article.
Before we launch the offer.
Before we have the conversation that could change someone’s life.
But what if confidence isn’t something we create?
What if confidence is actually a form of trust?
The Thing I Couldn’t Stop Seeing
As I explored this question, I noticed something strange.
For almost all of my day, confidence isn’t something I’m experiencing or trying to generate.
I don’t need confidence to get out of bed.
I don’t need confidence to brush my teeth.
I don’t need confidence to make breakfast.
I simply do what is obvious.
That reminded me of Saint Augustine’s famous reflection on time:
“What then is time? If no one asks me, I know; but if I want to explain it to a questioner, I do not know.”
Natural confidence feels exactly like that to me.
Most of the time, we aren’t thinking about confidence at all.
We are simply living.
Taking the next obvious step.
Where Confidence Seems to Disappear
The more I looked, the more I noticed that confidence only seems to disappear when I stop paying attention to what is in front of me and start paying attention to myself.
I begin evaluating.
Performing.
Managing perceptions.
Trying to guarantee outcomes.
Trying to avoid failure.
Trying to look good.
Trying to get it right.
The more attention goes there, the less obvious the next step seems.
And what we often call a lack of confidence may simply be the experience of getting lost in that mental noise.
What This Has to Do with Business Growth
As a business growth consultant, I spend my days having conversations with coaches, trainers, consultants and independent service professionals.
The conversations are rarely about confidence.
They are about their brilliance.
Their impact.
Their business.
Their clients.
Their fears.
Their hopes.
The good work they want to bring into the world.
Over the years, I’ve noticed something.
The people who create the biggest impact are not necessarily the people who appear the most confident.
They are the people who spend the least amount of time thinking about themselves.
Their attention is on the people they serve.
The problem they solve.
The difference they want to make.
The conversation.
They aren’t trying to manufacture confidence.
They’re too busy being useful.
Tea with Grandma
This insight helped me understand something from my university days.
People used to ask me how I stayed so confident during oral exams.
Looking back, I wasn’t doing anything special.
I wasn’t trying to be confident.
I simply approached the exam the same way I approached sitting down for tea with my grandmother.
Interested.
Present.
Curious.
Engaged in the conversation.
I wasn’t trying to perform well.
I was having a conversation.
And that is still how I think about impact today.
The most powerful conversations aren’t performances.
They’re explorations.
They’re moments where two people come together and see something new.
What Am I Actually Confident In?
So, if I ask myself what I’m actually confident in, the answer isn’t what I expected.
I’m not confident in myself as a performer.
I’m confident in the conversation.
I’m confident in listening.
I’m confident that when I quiet down enough to pay attention, it will become obvious what to say—or what not to say.
And perhaps that is what confidence really is.
Not certainty.
Not bravado.
Not a state to manufacture.
Trust in the obviousness of the next step.
A Business Growth Experiment
For today, stop trying to be more confident.
Instead, notice when your attention leaves the conversation and turns toward yourself.
Notice when you start managing perceptions.
Trying to look good.
Trying to avoid mistakes.
Trying to guarantee outcomes.
Then gently bring your attention back to the person in front of you.
Back to the problem you solve.
Back to the impact you want to make.
Back to the conversation.
And ask yourself:
What is the next obvious step?
Not the perfect step.
Not the fearless step.
Not the confident step.
Just the obvious one.
See what happens.
You may discover, as I did, that confidence was never the missing ingredient.
You may discover that confidence takes care of itself when you stop looking for it.
If This Resonates…
Many of the insights in this article point toward a deeper question:
What if we could create in business without fear?
Not through more effort.
Not through techniques.
Not through forcing ourselves to be courageous.
But from a deeper understanding of where fear, confidence and clarity actually come from.
That’s exactly what I explore in my book, Fearless: The Simple Spiritual Shift from the Game of Fear to the Game of Freedom, Brilliance and Confidence to Create What You Really, Really, Really Want in Business.
If this conversation speaks to you, I think you’ll enjoy the book.
You can get it here:
Till next time, remember… Your brilliance and confidence are portable. You can take them with you anywhere and everywhere.
With all my love,
Ana
Business Thought Experiments
A Business Thought Experiment – # 1 – Imagination In Action
A Business Thought Experiment – # 2 – Create, Don’t Compete
A Business Growth Thought Experiment – #3 – Clean Slate
A Business Thought Experiment – #4 – Is The Coaching Market Saturated?
A Business Thought Experiment – #4 – Is The Coaching Market Saturated?
Business Thought Experiment # 5 – Buenos Aires And the Value Your Perfect Clients Can See
Business Thought Experiment # 5 – Buenos Aires And the Value Your Perfect Clients Can See
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Business Thought Experiment #6 – What Impact Remains When AI Can Do Almost Everything
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